as i look at people's blog it kinda bring tears to my eyes. i wonder y too. sometimes i read and i realise sth that is sth. like you realise that what u value in a friendship is not what the person valued. and u realise that all u hold on to is emptiness. im sorry for feeling this way. i talked to solo that night. learnt a few things more abt him. and im sure i did share some things that amaze him. like how i always think of people as not what they seem to be. i guess i wont take back this mindset. because as we can all conclude man is selfish. i know i am. i fear to feel the emo-ness of someone because i know i cant comfort that person that is also y i choose to ignore the sadness i see around me. this is selfish. but... who can disagree. little things we do that we may not know are selfish. and... thinking about it. i know my character has hurt a lot of people and the realisation hit me twice this mth or over this 2 weeks. and the feeling suck. i think i really need to apologise to all the people who have been hurt by my language. i know im not tactful enough in the way i say certain things. im sorry. i wish to say i'll try but i really dont know what words are offensive to people. so tell me if u think my words hurt u. and... hmm, thnking about the question: i wonder if i did realy hurt the people around me so badly? then solo posted this back to me" did u feel that they hurt u at some point of time?" this qn seems rather hard to ans. i hesitated and said yes! and he said if they hv done so to u, u probably did it to them too. so... its like. okays. i get the point. and i hate to say it. but i hate to disappoint people. so i guess there are some friendships i hv to drift away. not because im sick of u, not because i think u arent worthy to be my friend, but more like a fear of disappointing u, a fear of bringing u down to my level of emo-ness. i know i tried to lift myself up and be optimistic. but seems like i start of everyday badly. like if someone gives me a black face for no reason, it kills the joy out of me. and i really dont know how to carry on. u may wonder y im like that. im just like that. u think i want! even if my mum just enter the room when im studyin and ask me to go and sleep, i'll just lose my mood to study. this is how sucky it is for me. so please dont crew my day first thing in the morn. if i hv a good start it will last... for that day! haha. seems like im complaining the hell out of me. LOL. but only YT will see. so im glad! :D yupp. and dont worry. its not directed at u:D