well. its up to u to decide if im gettin more childish. LOL
hmm been encountering loads of deaths recently. not that im related to them but... the weight of it seems to get on me. Like the blk oppp my hse had 2 funerals held right after each other. which means when one got cremmented, the other funeral started, its freaky right? i mean like... 2 persons in the same blk? and. rachels grandpa. my frens fren who died of cancer. sometimes i wonder y death seem to be so near yet so far. and y it happen to some so early, and some so late. like y am i not the one getting cancer and dying? as what they say its God plan but his reasons, unknown. then what will i die of? walking under the bridge, there are some seats/ (barrier from the river) for the ppl to sit. as i was a little emo, i got up the seats and started running on it. imagine its jus open air, so if i fall, i will be in the river. LOL. hmm. y didnt God allow that to happen? and what is my reason for running? i also dont know. but i know its fun. maybe not fun FUN, but the feeling is thrilling. the knowledge that u fall in coz the barrier is quite wide, yet the fear that u might still slip somehow. haha.
and. i guess the point is still to focus. when i was running, all i had in my mind was mainly to run in a straight line, this will prevent me from faliing into the river. yupp. and. this point focus. that i agreed on what Jun Kai said after the camp. during debriefs, tired is not an excuse, if we are focus and interested in what the other party is gonna say, we will not fall asleep. if u still dont get what i mean. i will give a senario. for eg. u are climbin a mountain with only a rope. you have been hanging for 5 hrs already and your hands are aching and tired. does that mean that you will let go of the rope since you are tired? no right? you will try to focus and finish it asap. yupps. so to debriefs, tiredness is NOT an excuse. so, pls focus, there might be some learning points that we didnt tot of.
and.. hmm. there are really many things i dont understand. but it seems impossible to clear it all. i guess time will ans it for me.
im hopin to find some day to quieten my heart to study. my life has been revolve with gg out and more gg out. to me, this is life. but somehow, the balance feels off. i feel the urgency to study, but my mindrefuses to work. i dont wanna disappoint ms ng. dont wanna see her upset face when she come back in 2009. no. thats the worse thing. rrrrr.
JOANNA KAM must STUDY. whoohoo.
